no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
