I will die if light touches me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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