Don't make out with my wife yet
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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