Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
