So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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