Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
