Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
