You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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