I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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