get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
