I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
