before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you win again, gameday.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
