Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
