We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
