Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
