My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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