two words...techno handjob
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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