My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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