White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
