Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
