I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
