what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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