My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
