i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
