please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
