there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
