you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
