You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
