So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
