Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
