Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
