What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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