Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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