New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
