i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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