im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
