i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
