hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
