I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
