I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
