her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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