My Higher Power is John Stamos
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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