Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
