You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
