TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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