jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
