and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
