Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
