I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
