dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
