So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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