Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
