you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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